Cancer-weight on my shoulders

That word sends chills up my spine. My mother had skin cancer and thankfully she's been okay since her surgery...she caught it early. Praise the Lord. I found out a week ago that a very dear friend and ex of mine has T cell non-hodgkins lymphoma stage 2, at the very early age of 34 yrs young. It's a rarer form of non-hodgins, making up only about 15%. The outlook to me isn't so good, about a 50/50 shot. Miracles do happen though, and he is young, strong and stubborn so it's possible that he could beat it. I find myself really struggling with this, we haven't spoken in a few years for reasons. 1) his lack of interest in my life 2) his selfishness 3) his fiance. I spent 5 1/2 years with him and he was my world for a long time and eventhough things didn't work out with him and I, I've always held a very dear place in my heart for his friendship. My struggle is that I wish I could talk to him, but I won't/can't call. I hold regret that I can't be there to support and offer any help. I chickened out and wrote an email to his Dad and stepmom instead, mostly out of respect for his soon to be wife. I find myself petty for this struggle of feeling really awful for him, his family and his fiance...and the awful feeling I have for myself and the way I feel about it. I guess I'm not really handling it all that well. It's sad, and he doesn't deserve it. No one does. I pray he finds strength through Chemo and that even though he wasn't a believer in God, that he finds him now. Better late than never.

Good thoughts your way Joel. You are loved.